I started questioning whether I might be autistic in the fall of 2019 when my younger son was diagnosed with ADHD. Going through the evaluation process with him, and speaking to so many professionals about the way he thinks and behaves prompted me to examine myself more closely. But I had very limited understanding of the breadth of the autism spectrum, and wasn’t sure I fell anywhere on it.

I now know that growing up I had many of the hallmarks of a high masking autistic.

• Crippling social anxiety or “shyness”

• A maladaptive coping mechanism like substance abuse or eating disorder (mine was self injury to cope with hidden meltdowns and a side of trichotillomania)

• A special interest in human behavior like psychology, sociology, or communication (Hi, I have a BA and an MA in communication)

• Perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies

• Giftedness, with an intense focus on academics, and subsequent burnout

My understanding of the autism spectrum deepened as I began learning more about neurodivergence online and following more neurodivergent creators and social media accounts. I saw myself for the first time. I understood myself in a way that I never had before. I was able to accept myself more fully than I ever had. I finally had explanations for All The Things.

By the time my older son was evaluated as “highly probable” for autism at the end of 2021, I was much more knowledgeable about the autism spectrum and how my own traits aligned with it. His evaluation results were the final piece of information that I needed to be able to make a definitive self diagnosis. There are so so many conclusive signs, and autism explains so much about my personal struggles. It just fits. And it feels like such a relief.