Autistic Sense of Self
The Invisible Struggle: Understanding Sense of Self in Autistic Adulthood
Many autistic adults grapple with a challenge that's rarely discussed: a weak sense of self. This often-invisible struggle can significantly impact our lives, affecting our self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. But what exactly does it mean to have a weak sense of self, and how can we overcome it?
What is "Sense of Self"?
Your "self" is your core identity – your intrinsic nature, beliefs, and values. It's who you are at your very essence. For many autistic individuals, understanding this core identity can be a lifelong journey, fraught with unique challenges.
The Autism and Sense of Self Connection
Why is a weak sense of self so common in autistic adults? Several factors contribute to this struggle:
Social Interaction Challenges: We often find it difficult to form and maintain relationships in conventional ways. Since identity often develops through social interactions, this can hinder our ability to understand ourselves in relation to others. Seeing others effortlessly make connections can further reinforce feelings of being "different" or "less than."
Masking: From a young age, many of us learn to mask our autistic traits to fit in. While masking can provide temporary acceptance, it also creates a fracture in our identity. We begin to question who we truly are – the masked persona or the authentic self hidden beneath? This constant masking can lead to a feeling of being a chameleon, adapting to every situation but lacking true colors.
Negative Feedback: When we do express our authentic selves, we may encounter negative feedback or rejection. This can further solidify the belief that who we are is not acceptable, leading to low self-esteem and a reliance on external validation.
The Impact of a Weak Sense of Self
The consequences of a weak sense of self can be far-reaching:
Low Self-Esteem: We may internalize negative messages and struggle to see our own worth.
People-Pleasing: In an attempt to gain acceptance, we may prioritize others' needs above our own, leading to resentment and unfulfilled needs.
Fear of Confrontation: We may avoid asserting ourselves or setting boundaries due to a fear of rejection or conflict.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): We may experience intense emotional pain in response to perceived rejection or criticism.
Rebuilding Your Sense of Self
The good news is that it's possible to strengthen your sense of self. Here are some strategies to help you on your journey:
Values Exercise: Identify your core values to gain clarity on what truly matters to you.
Self-Acceptance: Embrace your authentic self, including your autistic traits. Remember, you are valuable just as you are.
Needs Awareness: Get in touch with your needs and prioritize them. Honor your sensory sensitivities and need for rest.
Positive Affirmations: Focus on your strengths and positive qualities. Ask a trusted friend or family member to help you identify them.
Letting Go Ritual: Release past hurts and negative self-beliefs through a symbolic ritual.
Community Connection: Find your people! Connect with other folks who understand and accept you. Finding groups related to your special interests is a great place to start.
Meaning and Purpose: Engage in activities that give your life a sense of meaning and purpose. Consider exploring volunteer work, creative pursuits, or other passions.
Seeking Support
If you're struggling with a weak sense of self, know that you're not alone. Many autistic adults experience similar challenges. Seeking support from a therapist or coach specializing in autism in adulthood can be invaluable.
Embrace Your Authentic Self
Building a strong sense of self is an ongoing process, but it's a journey worth taking. By embracing your authentic self, honoring your needs, and connecting with your community, you can cultivate a sense of self that will give you a greater sense of self confidence, more self assurance, and less reliance on other people’s opinions of you.
Author’s notes
An aspect of my autistic brain is that I have a very vivid mind’s eye and I think mainly in images. That means that expressing myself in written words is quite challenging. Speaking is easy. Writing is hard. That being said, I want to be up front about my use of AI in generating some of the text for this article. I gave it a few drafts of my ideas, and it made more coherent sentences for me. I consider this an accommodation for my brain because without it, I wouldn’t be able to articulate my thoughts in an easy-to-understand fashion. I have modified and edited where necessary, so if you notice two distinct writing styles, that’s why.